me, begging: please just get up and do the work its not that hard you’ll feel better when you do it
my brain, running away from me, smashing flowerpots with a broom: hey you know what my buddy u can go fuck yourself my guy

me: why r u telling me this person hates me?? they’ve never done anything that indicates they don’t like me

The Disorder: okay but consider this… they’re just pretending to like you, secretly they got tired of you and now they loathe you

me: shit u right

trying to kinkshame me is futile. like oh, great, you sure shamed the hell out of me–never getting off to THAT again. u just got like 39489348348 more kinks to shame now until i have nothing but pure, unproblematic vanilla fantasies. It’s like some sort of dark fetish hydra where every head you destroy just spawns ten new kinks, each viler than the last. Give it up, buddy, you can’t fucking win against such a bottomless well of perversion, I’m gross and unstoppable.

friend: *raises voice slightly to speak to me at the other end of the couch* so what show do you want to watch?
me: I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST